Over my February break one thing i did was watch my brother play soccer(well not really i was SUPPOSED to watch him but i didn't).At the beginning of the game i was SUPER bored but then two girls my age showed up.Even though i knew one of them i had no idea who the other one was but she seemed nice. We talked about how our brothers all played on the same team and laughed at how we never paid any attention to each other(i thought they were some sassy girls like the ones in the movies but they're actually really nice).The time passed so quickly that by the time the game was over i had forgotten that i was at my brothers game(literally!).When i asked what the score was i was surprised to hear that they had won and that my brother had scored a goal!I was sad to hear that i had to leave and that i had to leave them but i remembered that there would be another game on Saturday so that way i can see them and we can talk more and get to know each other.
One event that happened on my break was going to my cousins house. When we got there I could already hear their dogs barking. As I knocked on the door I was calling the dogs names when they heard me they got excited and started whining. We walked in and I went straight to my cousins and we went to go play baseball outside. When it was my turn to hit I swung my hardest and BAM!! I hit a homerun I was so happy but in the end we lost. We went back inside and played video games,lots and lots of video games until the dogs game in. We stopped playing games and played with the dogs,since there was 2 dogs and 3 kids we had to fight for them. I kept saying “come here” until finally one dog came I stopped trying to bring the other dog to me. In the end I had to leave. Hanging out with my cousins is one event that I had fun doing.
Amazing topic sentence and concluding sentence. One thing I really like is when you stated " When it was my turn to hit I swung my hardest an BAM!!! One thing one thing to improve on is to have sensory details. But Overall you did an amazing job.
On my February break I read a book at night almost every night. Sometimes I had tiny snack and I drank water while reading. I read the book outside where it felt like I was ice because it was so cold. I read outside because the house is so noisy it could sound like a pack of wild animals running through it. Sometimes I read inside because nobody was down stairs.
One thing I did over break was go to Dave & Busters with German. It was on Friday at 2:30 when Germans mom picked me up to go. When we got there we started by playing miniature basketball, German won. Then we played some other games like, Jackpot games, Football games, and arcade games. When we were done playing games we went to the prize place and redeemed our tickets. When we were done choosing our prizes we went to yogurtland. I had fun with German over break.
Jacqueline One event that I did over break was go to a temple and take pictures. I thought we were going to the temple to explore it but unfortunately we had to take pictures. The temple was a Hindu temple. I have only went to chinese and vietnamese temples but now I have went to Chinese,Vietnamese,and Hindu temples. When we walked in everything was made of marble. The walls were marble even the statues. The first thing I saw was the food court but my mom said to wait later. Then we decided to walk further in the temple. It was very winding when we got to the otherside. It felt like a windy and cold day in Hawaii in the night time. My mom kept making me take pictures even though I hated taking pictures. We saw another small temple on the left. We decided to walk there after the pictures. There was a sign that said you have to take your shoes before you in the small temple. So we took our shoes out but kept our socks on. When we got in there was tons of statues and people praying. We had to be quiet for the people who were praying. After all that we got to go back and ate food. There were foods that we could not produce but we tried it. The food was okay. I would give it a 7.5 out of 10. In the end this was one event that I did over break.
This sounds really cool!I love the way of how you compared the wind from the one in Hawaii.Although you could of made it better by telling us what the statues felt like (if you touched them) or what it smelled like and what were the kinds of foods you ate.
David On Friday I went to the movie theater. When I first entered, the entire place smelled like fresh popcorn. When I sat in my seat, the lights started to dim and the room was pitch black. I was blind as a bat but when the lights from the screen came on I could see. After the movie ended i was so full of popcorn I felt like I was going to explode. When I went outside it was so cold I thought I was going to freeze into a ice sculpture.
Great topic sentence. I like the way you used figurative language such as "blind as a bat." One thing to improve would be to add the name of the movie you saw with a concluding sentence.
You where on topic and use had good figurative language such as "blind as a bat" or you thought you were "going to freeze like a ice sculpture". You should add the name of the movie and what it was about with a concluding sentence. :)
Jack One of the events i experienced was going to Laguna with my aunt Lara. We went through Lauguna canyon we saw a lot of cool buildings, but the best one was the Laguna art center it was shaped all weird and wobbly but struculy sound. afterwords we went to Laguna hills to go to my aunt Lara's beach house, and then we took the neighbors little dog for a walk we went down to the beach and i finally felt sand in between my toes and it was awesome. Then we went to a good Mexican food place for taco Tuesday, that was a savory delish that was much enjoyed. we had got back to the beach house for a while before going to , the top of world. We could see the ocean and Catalina island and sattle back mountain and all of Irvine and orange county. we were driving down the top of the world went we saw the goats of Laguna and they were awesome because of how very very rare they are. But then we went home and i chilled out and played with my brothers.
On Wednesday,I had gone to my friends house over break. The first thing we did was go to fashion island and we ate lunch there. After lunch we went to Barnes and Noble and looked at the books. I kinda wanted to get a book to read but I couldn't find one interesting. We were then picked up by his mom and then we played trivia murder party and faking it on his TV. after maybe 30 minutes one of his other friends came over and so he joined games. We then played games for an hour and then went to the park. We didn't do much at the park except climb a tree. Then my mom had to pick me up so I had to leave.
On monday I went to target and bought a ps4 and I came home and my dad had to set it up it took hours and I had to wait forever... Fortnite took forever to download and I was bored so I keep playing on my Ipad. Then the next day I got Pvz Garden Warfare2 and Brawlhalla and I played with my friends. The graphes on the games looked good and I had lots of fun. It was the best break ever.
On Wednesday,me and my family went to the airport to pick up my grandparents.When we got to the airport it was so loud.Lots of cars were honking and lots of people talking.Then we started to walk inside.Since it was so crowded we had trouble finding a spot to sit.Then after hours of seeing different people come out to meet their family.I spotted my grandparent. So we went to meet them.Then we all went home,to enjoy the rest of the night.
I was at my house playing a video game called Fortnite in this game you drop out of a battle bus and you get materials. Then you eliminate other people out of the game. I did that with the help from my friends and won the game it was very cool and I was very happy that i won considering their is 100 people in the game that are very good. It is a very fun game and very cool. The End
German On Saturday on our February break,I did something exciting.I went to the beach with my friends in Dana Point. One had to go with her school to pick up trash to raise money for the school track team. We played in the sand for a little then we went home. He had a BB gun and we played with it for a little bit. Then, it was time to pick her up. We picked her up and she said that there wasn't even trash and that she only picked up three pieces of trash. There was like 100 students and most of them didn't find any trash. After that, their dad came and we left to my basketball game. We won the game by 20 points.Then we went home and ate and slept. It was a fun Saturday!
During my february break,I stayed home bored out of my mind. There was not much to do except watch T.V which it was extra boring because there was nothing on.Normally the entire week since there was no school it was extra uninteresting.I had lots of thing to do which I didn´t want to do for some reason. Sometimes I even wished to come to school because I didn´t know how to spend my free time.The only thing I enjoyed was to sleep late at night and wake up late in the mornings. Thoe my week wasn´t as interesting I thing it was better than no break at all.
One day,I went to my cousins house I knew it was going to be a horrible not a very good day,every time I get there she always tackles me!But then...I stopped her by giving her the twinkle tinkle.Then,as soon as I walk up the stair's I get tackled by my little cousin,I start "screaming for help"but my mom and dad aren't even there not even my aunt.So I get my anti-demolish backscratcher and I tickle my little cousin by her feet!And then all of sudden!..They are all calmed.We go up stairs and start playing video games,and then I beat my cousin and she tackles me I used my anti-demolish backscratcher and I tickle my little cousins feet.3 hours later,my parents come.I left my cousins house.After all it wasn't such a horrible very bad day.It was okay!!
Finally it was the day we were all waiting for the final. It was my brothers final when we got there it was packed like people in a concert oh also the parking lot was so full that there was no space to park in. First my brother had to warm up so he wouldn’t get a cramp during the game then after a long time the game started. But my brother wasn’t on the field so I went to go check it out and finally when he finished telling me what happened I was shocked, because he told me he was not allowed to play. Since he didn’t play we stayed to watch the game the score was 1-0 the other team was winning until our team scored now it was 1-1 this score was the same at halftime and full time. But that is not it because if you are tied at a final for the rest of the game you go to penalties of extra time but my brothers team was suppose to go to penalties but they didn't because supposedly the other team won. Then my brother’s team went to talk to the manager the one in charge and he said “maybe you guys will play another game next week or the other team and this team are both champions.” That was it for the day everyone left and I think to this day the manager is still thinking.
You have a good topic sentence, but you don't tell what the sport is. Because of clues I can guess it is soccer, but others might think it is hockey or won't even know.no done
one thing i did over break was go celebrate my sister birthday first she went out to go shopping. and then we took her out to go to chilies. and then when we were done we left and went home then they picked her up to go home to her house. and then she left and we just went to sleep cause it like 9 already.
I like the way you described where your sister was going.One thing to improve is to capitalize your letters after the period and have more details like what did she get when she went shopping or like what did she get at chillies. And use some sensory details.Like what did it smell like in chillies. But after that great job on the other things.
On sunday on my february break, my friends and I went to the movie theaters to watch black panther. We all liked the movie. When we entered into the theaters, it smelled like popcorn. Before the movie started, we came just on time because we had to get the tickets but there was a long line so we had to just wait there. When we got the tickets, we ran across the theater until we got to the movie. When I went inside and sat on my seat, my friends were talking to me until the lights went out. It was so dark I could not see my friends. When the screen went on, it was really bright and I had to look away from the screen. After the movie ended, I had so much popcorn I thought I was going to pop. When I went outside, it as so bright I could not see a thing.
I read yours and it was great. The one thing i can see though is that Black Panther should be capitalized. Also it should have been "it was so bright" not "it as so bright"
During the break at was at my mom's house. I was so bored that I would have to stare at a wall. So I went to get my phone but it had no battery. not done
The event that i did over break was to go out to eat with my family.and there was so much food like pizza, fries mash potos and the best of cake. i felt like i was going to explode because i was and we had some fun.then we went to the mall and i was so full could not walk at all.and then we not done
One event I did in the past break I played lots of video games.I just love the feeling of the controller gripping to my hand. And looking at the screen while seeing the soccer players move around like it is an actual game . The best part is when CR7 scores and he celebrates. But the only problem about doing this is is my monster sister ( Allegrah ). She always tells me what is the point of that game. It is so annoying. One of the things I love most about playing video games is when I play with my friends. It is really fun because we get to talk about what we did over break. The only problem with doing this is sometimes we are wild banshees. But the funniest part of all of this is when I tell my sister that the game I'm playing is real. It is really funny because the graphics are amazing and she can’t tell if it is real or not. That is one event that I did in the past break.
Over Presidents week one thing I did that was fun was go to the park with my mom, brothers, Evelyn, her mom, and sister. While going to the park we could smell the smoke coming out of the cars and hear cars honking driving and making other weird noises. We finally got to the park and were kind of tired, because we went walking for about 30 minutes. We started to head for the basketball courts to play. We then separated into two teams boys vs. girls and started to play. Me and Evelyn started to shot 2 and 4 and then 8 when all of a sudden the boys came and stole the ball from us. They started to shoot 3 and 6 and 9 and then 11 beep the whistle blew I was shocked at how me and Evelyn lost to little kids from 3rd and 4th. I then asked Evelyn let's go do something else because I was bored and she responded sure. We then started to jog around in a big oval until we jogged 5, but at the same time walked for half the oval. I could feel the hot sun hit me while doing these activities. I then told Evelyn I’m going to take a break and rest. So I did and then she came too. After resting for a while we asked our moms if we could go to the playground; and they said “Yes” we headed toward the playground and the first thing we spotted was the wheel we ran, but then I felt something go into my shoe. It was sand it felt uncomfortable and thought should I take of my shoes but just said no and kept on going. We went on the wheel and started to spin around until I kind of felt dizzy and got off. We then headed home for another 30 minute walk and repeated the same thing of the cars smells and sounds we could hear. We finally got home and took a rest and the day went really fast to me; but after all I had a fun day spending time with friends and family.
Eli It was a day at my grandmother's house. It was so boring. I had nothing to do besides stare at a blank wall, on a blank couch. It was so boring. The boredom that was swelling up in my head got bigger an bigger. Nothing to do. It was like this most of the day. Just getting more boring, I had less things to do. Just boring. Infinite boredom surrounding the empty room. The swelling got bigger and bigger by the second. It was so bad it hurt. I didn't know what to do. I have never experienced this before. It was boring. Until I heard something. I saw the door swing open. It was my uncle. And you wouldn't believe who was with him.
One event i did over February break, My dad always takes my family out somewhere fun. When he's home he will sometimes take us to places to have a little fun, over break my parents took my whole family out to eat somewhere. Not done.
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ReplyDeleteOver my February break one thing i did was watch my brother play soccer(well not really i was SUPPOSED to watch him but i didn't).At the beginning of the game i was SUPER bored but then two girls my age showed up.Even though i knew one of them i had no idea who the other one was but she seemed nice. We talked about how our brothers all played on the same team and laughed at how we never paid any attention to each other(i thought they were some sassy girls like the ones in the movies but they're actually really nice).The time passed so quickly that by the time the game was over i had forgotten that i was at my brothers game(literally!).When i asked what the score was i was surprised to hear that they had won and that my brother had scored a goal!I was sad to hear that i had to leave and that i had to leave them but i remembered that there would be another game on Saturday so that way i can see them and we can talk more and get to know each other.
ReplyDeleteAwesome topic sentence. One thing that can improve your writing is using some personification. Great way of using ( and ) in you story.
DeleteSaid
ReplyDeleteOne event that happened on my break was going to my cousins house. When we got there I could already hear their dogs barking. As I knocked on the door I was calling the dogs names when they heard me they got excited and started whining. We walked in and I went straight to my cousins and we went to go play baseball outside. When it was my turn to hit I swung my hardest and BAM!! I hit a homerun I was so happy but in the end we lost. We went back inside and played video games,lots and lots of video games until the dogs game in. We stopped playing games and played with the dogs,since there was 2 dogs and 3 kids we had to fight for them. I kept saying “come here” until finally one dog came I stopped trying to bring the other dog to me. In the end I had to leave. Hanging out with my cousins is one event that I had fun doing.
Amazing topic sentence and concluding sentence. One thing I really like is when you stated " When it was my turn to hit I swung my hardest an BAM!!! One thing one thing to improve on is to have sensory details. But Overall you did an amazing job.
DeleteOn my February break I read a book at night almost every night. Sometimes I had tiny snack and I drank water while reading. I read the book outside where it felt like I was ice because it was so cold. I read outside because the house is so noisy it could sound like a pack of wild animals running through it. Sometimes I read inside because nobody was down stairs.
ReplyDeletehow was the book? what book was it? great details.
DeleteOne thing I did over break was go to Dave & Busters with German. It was on Friday at 2:30 when Germans mom picked me up to go. When we got there we started by playing miniature basketball, German won. Then we played some other games like, Jackpot games, Football games, and arcade games. When we were done playing games we went to the prize place and redeemed our tickets. When we were done choosing our prizes we went to yogurtland. I had fun with German over break.
ReplyDeleteWhat did you do at yogurtland? Describe the games that you played and if you liked them.
DeleteI liked the details though
DeleteJacqueline
ReplyDeleteOne event that I did over break was go to a temple and take pictures. I thought we were going to the temple to explore it but unfortunately we had to take pictures. The temple was a Hindu temple. I have only went to chinese and vietnamese temples but now I have went to Chinese,Vietnamese,and Hindu temples. When we walked in everything was made of marble. The walls were marble even the statues. The first thing I saw was the food court but my mom said to wait later. Then we decided to walk further in the temple. It was very winding when we got to the otherside. It felt like a windy and cold day in Hawaii in the night time. My mom kept making me take pictures even though I hated taking pictures. We saw another small temple on the left. We decided to walk there after the pictures. There was a sign that said you have to take your shoes before you in the small temple. So we took our shoes out but kept our socks on. When we got in there was tons of statues and people praying. We had to be quiet for the people who were praying. After all that we got to go back and ate food. There were foods that we could not produce but we tried it. The food was okay. I would give it a 7.5 out of 10. In the end this was one event that I did over break.
This sounds really cool!I love the way of how you compared the wind from the one in Hawaii.Although you could of made it better by telling us what the statues felt like (if you touched them) or what it smelled like and what were the kinds of foods you ate.
DeleteDavid
ReplyDeleteOn Friday I went to the movie theater. When I first entered, the entire place smelled like fresh popcorn. When I sat in my seat, the lights started to dim and the room was pitch black. I was blind as a bat but when the lights from the screen came on I could see. After the movie ended i was so full of popcorn I felt like I was going to explode. When I went outside it was so cold I thought I was going to freeze into a ice sculpture.
Great topic sentence. I like the way you used figurative language such as "blind as a bat." One thing to improve would be to add the name of the movie you saw with a concluding sentence.
DeleteYou where on topic and use had good figurative language such as "blind as a bat" or you thought you were "going to freeze like a ice sculpture". You should add the name of the movie and what it was about with a concluding sentence. :)
DeleteJack
ReplyDeleteOne of the events i experienced was going to Laguna with my aunt Lara. We went through Lauguna canyon we saw a lot of cool buildings, but the best one was the Laguna art center it was shaped all weird and wobbly but struculy sound. afterwords we went to Laguna hills to go to my aunt Lara's beach house, and then we took the neighbors little dog for a walk we went down to the beach and i finally felt sand in between my toes and it was awesome. Then we went to a good Mexican food place for taco Tuesday, that was a savory delish that was much enjoyed. we had got back to the beach house for a while before going to , the top of world. We could see the ocean and Catalina island and sattle back mountain and all of Irvine and orange county. we were driving down the top of the world went we saw the goats of Laguna and they were awesome because of how very very rare they are. But then we went home and i chilled out and played with my brothers.
you had more than one event and you forgot to capitalize the I's.
DeleteOn Wednesday,I had gone to my friends house over break. The first thing we did was go to fashion island and we ate lunch there. After lunch we went to Barnes and Noble and looked at the books. I kinda wanted to get a book to read but I couldn't find one interesting. We were then picked up by his mom and then we played trivia murder party and faking it on his TV. after maybe 30 minutes one of his other friends came over and so he joined games. We then played games for an hour and then went to the park. We didn't do much at the park except climb a tree. Then my mom had to pick me up so I had to leave.
ReplyDeleteyou did good with the capitals but really theirs nothing to correct you did GREAT.
DeleteOn monday I went to target and bought a ps4 and I came home and my dad had to set it up it took hours and I had to wait forever... Fortnite took forever to download and I was bored so I keep playing on my Ipad. Then the next day I got Pvz Garden Warfare2 and Brawlhalla and I played with my friends. The graphes on the games looked good and I had lots of fun. It was the best break ever.
ReplyDeleteI like the way yo named the games you got and you stayed on topic. Also liked the way you gave a concluding sentence.
DeleteOn Wednesday,me and my family went to the airport to pick up my grandparents.When we got to the airport it was so loud.Lots of cars were honking and lots of people talking.Then we started to walk inside.Since it was so crowded we had trouble finding a spot to sit.Then after hours of seeing different people come out to meet their family.I spotted my grandparent. So we went to meet them.Then we all went home,to enjoy the rest of the night.
ReplyDeletemaybe you can includ like how did you feel when you were in the airport, and when you saw your grandparents.
DeleteI was at my house playing a video game called Fortnite in this game you drop out of a battle bus and you get materials. Then you eliminate other people out of the game. I did that with the help from my friends and won the game it was very cool and I was very happy that i won considering their is 100 people in the game that are very good. It is a very fun game and very cool. The End
ReplyDeleteMateus
DeleteGood job explaining about the game us more sensory details about how it was a your House make an conclusion sentence instead of the end.
OK thank you next time i will think about.
DeleteGerman
ReplyDeleteOn Saturday on our February break,I did something exciting.I went to the beach with my friends in Dana Point. One had to go with her school to pick up trash to raise money for the school track team. We played in the sand for a little then we went home. He had a BB gun and we played with it for a little bit. Then, it was time to pick her up. We picked her up and she said that there wasn't even trash and that she only picked up three pieces of trash. There was like 100 students and most of them didn't find any trash. After that, their dad came and we left to my basketball game. We won the game by 20 points.Then we went home and ate and slept. It was a fun Saturday!
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DeleteDuring my february break,I stayed home bored out of my mind. There was not much to do except watch T.V which it was extra boring because there was nothing on.Normally the entire week since there was no school it was extra uninteresting.I had
ReplyDeletelots of thing to do which I didn´t want to do for some
reason. Sometimes I even wished to come to school because I didn´t know how to spend my free time.The only thing I enjoyed was to sleep late at night and wake up late in the mornings. Thoe my week wasn´t as interesting I thing it was better than no break at all.
Though and think in last sentence are incorrect. How you felt like when you went to sleep late and wake up late. Try to add figurtive language.
DeleteOne day,I went to my cousins house I knew it was going to be a horrible not a very good day,every time I get there she always tackles me!But then...I stopped her by giving her the twinkle tinkle.Then,as soon as I walk up the stair's I get tackled by my little cousin,I start "screaming for help"but my mom and dad aren't even there not even my aunt.So I get my anti-demolish backscratcher and I tickle my little cousin by her feet!And then all of sudden!..They are all calmed.We go up stairs and start playing video games,and then I beat my cousin and she tackles me I used my anti-demolish backscratcher and I tickle my little cousins feet.3 hours later,my parents come.I left my cousins house.After all it wasn't such a horrible very bad day.It was okay!!
ReplyDeleteat the end it says it wasent such a horrible bad day you should switch that
DeleteMARK
ReplyDeleteFinally it was the day we were all waiting for the final. It was my brothers final when we got there it was packed like people in a concert oh also the parking lot was so full that there was no space to park in. First my brother had to warm up so he wouldn’t get a cramp during the game then after a long time the game started. But my brother wasn’t on the field so I went to go check it out and finally when he finished telling me what happened I was shocked, because he told me he was not allowed to play. Since he didn’t play we stayed to watch the game the score was 1-0 the other team was winning until our team scored now it was 1-1 this score was the same at halftime and full time. But that is not it because if you are tied at a final for the rest of the game you go to penalties of extra time but my brothers team was suppose to go to penalties but they didn't because supposedly the other team won. Then my brother’s team went to talk to the manager the one in charge and he said “maybe you guys will play another game next week or the other team and this team are both champions.” That was it for the day everyone left and I think to this day the manager is still thinking.
You have a good topic sentence, but you don't tell what the sport is. Because of clues I can guess it is soccer, but others might think it is hockey or won't even know.no done
Deleteone thing i did over break was go celebrate my sister birthday first she went out to go shopping. and then we took her out to go to chilies. and then when we were done we left and went home then they picked her up to go home to her house. and then she left and we just went to sleep cause it like 9 already.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you described where your sister was going.One thing to improve is to capitalize your letters after the period and have more details like what did she get when she went shopping or like what did she get at chillies. And use some sensory details.Like what did it smell like in chillies. But after that great job on the other things.
DeleteOn sunday on my february break, my friends and I went to the movie theaters to watch black panther. We all liked the movie. When we entered into the theaters, it smelled like popcorn. Before the movie started, we came just on time because we had to get the tickets but there was a long line so we had to just wait there. When we got the tickets, we ran across the theater until we got to the movie. When I went inside and sat on my seat, my friends were talking to me until the lights went out. It was so dark I could not see my friends. When the screen went on, it was really bright and I had to look away from the screen. After the movie ended, I had so much popcorn I thought I was going to pop. When I went outside, it as so bright I could not see a thing.
ReplyDeleteI read yours and it was great. The one thing i can see though is that Black Panther should be capitalized. Also it should have been "it was so bright" not "it as so bright"
DeleteDuring the break at was at my mom's house. I was so bored that I would have to stare at a wall. So I went to get my phone but it had no battery. not done
ReplyDeleteThe event that i did over break was to go out to eat with my family.and there was so much food like pizza, fries mash potos and the best of cake. i felt like i was going to explode because i was and we had some fun.then we went to the mall and i was so full could not walk at all.and then we not done
ReplyDeleteyour sentences need to be better. Also what place did you go to eat
DeleteYou should capital the ¨I¨ and take out the ¨and¨.Then capital the ¨T¨in there and then.I didn´t understand the third sentence that much.
DeleteOne event I did in the past break I played lots of video games.I just love the feeling of the controller gripping to my hand. And looking at the screen while seeing the soccer players move around like it is an actual game . The best part is when CR7 scores and he celebrates. But the only problem about doing this is is my monster sister ( Allegrah ). She always tells me what is the point of that game. It is so annoying. One of the things I love most about playing video games is when I play with my friends. It is really fun because we get to talk about what we did over break. The only problem with doing this is sometimes we are wild banshees. But the funniest part of all of this is when I tell my sister that the game I'm playing is real. It is really funny because the graphics are amazing and she can’t tell if it is real or not. That is one event that I did in the past break.
ReplyDeleteExplain what games you were playing and what game console you were using
DeleteGood topic sentence and concluding sentence
DeleteOver Presidents week one thing I did that was fun was go to the park with my mom, brothers, Evelyn, her mom, and sister. While going to the park we could smell the smoke coming out of the cars and hear cars honking driving and making other weird noises. We finally got to the park and were kind of tired, because we went walking for about 30 minutes. We started to head for the basketball courts to play. We then separated into two teams boys vs. girls and started to play. Me and Evelyn started to shot 2 and 4 and then 8 when all of a sudden the boys came and stole the ball from us. They started to shoot 3 and 6 and 9 and then 11 beep the whistle blew I was shocked at how me and Evelyn lost to little kids from 3rd and 4th. I then asked Evelyn let's go do something else because I was bored and she responded sure. We then started to jog around in a big oval until we jogged 5, but at the same time walked for half the oval. I could feel the hot sun hit me while doing these activities. I then told Evelyn I’m going to take a break and rest. So I did and then she came too. After resting for a while we asked our moms if we could go to the playground; and they said “Yes” we headed toward the playground and the first thing we spotted was the wheel we ran, but then I felt something go into my shoe. It was sand it felt uncomfortable and thought should I take of my shoes but just said no and kept on going. We went on the wheel and started to spin around until I kind of felt dizzy and got off. We then headed home for another 30 minute walk and repeated the same thing of the cars smells and sounds we could hear. We finally got home and took a rest and the day went really fast to me; but after all I had a fun day spending time with friends and family.
ReplyDeleteIt was good and had lots of detail into it,one things was that you first started talking about basketball then jogging,playground.
DeleteEli
ReplyDeleteIt was a day at my grandmother's house. It was so boring. I had nothing to do besides stare at a blank wall, on a blank couch. It was so boring. The boredom that was swelling up in my head got bigger an bigger. Nothing to do. It was like this most of the day. Just getting more boring, I had less things to do. Just boring. Infinite boredom surrounding the empty room. The swelling got bigger and bigger by the second. It was so bad it hurt. I didn't know what to do. I have never experienced this before. It was boring. Until I heard something. I saw the door swing open. It was my uncle. And you wouldn't believe who was with him.
Nice topic sentence, and cliff hanger. One thing you could do better was that it was pretty repetitive. But overall it was good.
Deleteit was supposed to be repetitive
DeleteOne event i did over February break, My dad always takes my family out somewhere fun. When he's home he will sometimes take us to places to have a little fun, over break my parents took my whole family out to eat somewhere. Not done.
ReplyDelete